Tuesday, June 20, 2017

10 Writing tips

1. Read as much as you can.  When you have a free moment, you should read.  When you're eating dinner, you should read.  When you're on the toilet, obviously you should read (because if you play with your phone, it could fall in the bowl).  When you're asleep, you should put a book on your face to read by osmosis. 

2. Always carry around a little notebook to write down ideas, and also to pretend to be a detective if the opportunity arises. 

3. Listen to constructive criticism of your peers.  Unless it's really stupid.

4. Don't use too many exclamation points!  Seriously!  Not every sentence needs them!  Use! Them! Sparingly!

5. Write what you know.  Especially if you're a space captain who fights zombies for a living and bangs beautiful aliens in your free time.

6. Don't write stuff that's boring.  Write interesting stuff.  Duh.

7. Make sure to write every day.  Except holidays.  And obviously not weekends.  Or that day that comes between Tuesday and Thursday. And nobody can write on Mondays, for God's sake.

8. It's been said that anyone can write a book.  But actually, I don't think that's true.  After all, a rat can't write a book.  A pig can't write a book.  A beetle can't write a book.  They don't even have opposable thumbs!  So I suppose you can modify that to say that any human can write a book.  But that's not true either.  A newborn baby can't write a book.  Hell, I don't think any baby could write a book.  I'm beginning to feel like whoever said that anyone can write a book just didn't think the statement through very well.

9. Don't let anyone see what you've written until it's finished.  Also, for the love of God, don't let anyone see your Internet browser history.  Especially your parents.  #life lesson

10. A good adage for a writer to follow is "show don't tell."  It's also a good adage for a stripper to follow.
 

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